The Ursine Underworld

Writing is Mostly Editing

You jot down a few thousand words on paper or into a file. Then you send it to the publisher, unchanged, and wait. After that, you receive an acceptance letter. Once you’re published, you win multiple awards, sell thousands of copies, and quit your day job.

Then you wake up, because that’s clearly a dream with no connection to reality.

Here’s how my actual experience is going so far. I wrote a book called Beasts & Brutality. It contains, among other things, gay animal-human hybrids enduring torture and the threat of sexual violence. This did not seem like something I could submit to Penguin Random House. So I started down the road to self publication online.

During the course of this process, I decided to pay for a second set of editorial eyes. This led to one editor saying “I’d much rather publish this.” And that is how I signed my first book contract ever. I would not call this a conventional path to success, but boy does it feel validating.

So everything’s done and now I sit on a beach somewhere, drinking a jalapeño margarita made with mezcal, right?

Not even close, except for my choice of libations. This is where the publisher’s editor reads through the manuscript, writes up some notes, and gives you another homework assignment. It’s been said that “writing is rewriting.” I’m learning to appreciate this fact more and more as a new author.

About two days ago, I received my editor’s first notes on the book. So I of course hurled them on the floor (difficult to do with digital material), screamed like a maniac, and stormed off to my A-frame retreat in the Cascade Mountains. Then I declared my unappreciated genius to a passing wolf pack. They responded by backing away without breaking eye contact.

Just kidding! The notes were totally valid, and I’m now revising the book. I expected a bunch of redline corrections regarding grammar, spelling, and the appropriate use of active language. What I received instead were some very insightful character criticisms. This won’t be a simple matter of removing double spaces and moving punctuation. Once again I’ve learned that “writing is rewriting.”

And to my surprise, I’m… excited about this? To be frank, I expected to have one of those stereotypical moments where an author nurses their injured pride through churlish passive aggression. Nobody’s more surprised than I am that I might be an adult exhibiting professionalism.

Tonight I return to the characters in question with a fresh perspective. Their story arcs will shift, which will in turn shift the course of two more books. I can see some opportunities to improve the narrative by doing so. And really, shouldn’t that be what a fiction author wants most: to create the best story they can?

I can’t wait for all of you to get your hands on my work and start reading. But not yet. Not until it’s burnished and shiny. Be patient. Believe me, I’m eager to share the finished product, too.

Now for some other updates…

The Beasts at the Oasis

At the risk of sounding like Maxwell Smart, I was this close to publication. I made it past the first reader at a well-regarded furry publication, but didn’t make the cut. I’ve been revising this and submitting it elsewhere ever since. No takers yet, but I believe in this one and I’ll keep shopping it.

The Feast of Your Life

This one’s just starting to make the rounds. I believe pretty strongly in this piece, too. I might need to save it for the next submission round at the aforementioned furry publication if I don’t find another home for it first.

(Nautical Story, Title TBD)

I started work on this one a few days ago. Like the two other stories I’ve mentioned, it’s another tale from one of Mundia’s far-flung lands: the Azoria Islands. It’s got pirates. It’s got witches. It’s got grisly deaths. It’s a lot of fun to write.

Hive Mindset

After multiple rounds of submissions and me reviewing the work with a more critical eye, I’ve decided to set it aside. Maybe, someday, inspiration will hit me and I’ll try to redo the whole thing. I’ve just got too much work to do, so this is going on the chopping block.

Dot-God-Damn

During the period when I was waiting for Beasts & Brutality feedback, I spent some time polishing this nonfiction book. It’s better, but I feel it needs a lot more work before it’s “better enough.” I’m also considering shortening it a bit. Rambling on and on is one of my real-life character flaws.

That’s all I have to report for now. Keep watching this space for further developments!

Tags: Bewere, BnB, Books, Fenris, Mundia, Short Works, Writing

Categories: Mundia, Updates
Contract Signed!
Why have I been so silent in recent months? Two reasons:
1. I landed a new day job, which took a great deal of time and effort. This was my first week there. Everyone’s been very welcoming! With my immediate income needs met, I can now focus on creative work in my personal time.
2. In addition to my job hunt, I’ve also been focused on editing Beasts & Brutality. After months of hard work, I submitted the manuscript to my prospective publisher. Today, I received news that my tentative offer to publish is a definitive offer! Contract signed and everything! I’ll need to work with my new editor on some revisions to completely seal the deal, but that’s how the publishing business works. Even “big name” authors receive notes on their writing. No work emerges fully formed and flawless from its creator’s mind.
While waiting for news about my novel, I also took time to write a few short pieces:

The Beasts at the Oasis

A story set in Mundia’s Trackless Desert. A lonely merchant walking a long trade route learns the limits of human hospitality — and teaches the price of cruelty. (Pending submission.)

The Feast of Your Life

This story takes place in the Mundian country of Injii. A mother and son engage in an unusual funerary practice to learn more about their late patriarch. What they discover changes their family forever, but for better or ill? (Pending submission.)

Hive Mindset

A future archaeologist from a primitive society learns that technology isn’t the answer to all life’s problems. In fact, it might very well be the source of those problems. (Submitted for possible publication.)

Tiger Tape

A short-form submission to #ohmurr about a real-life sexual encounter that involved… duck tape. Lots and lots of duck tape. Kink and art aren’t that far apart. (Submitted, awaiting an answer.)

Now to wait for feedback from my new editor! Once work on Beasts & Brutality is done, I’ll move on to the next book in the series: Rescues & Revenge. I also need to find time to revisit Dot-God-Damn, but one project at a time!
Tags: Bewere, BnB, Day Job, Fenris, Legal, Mundia, RnR, Short Works, Updates, Writing

Categories: Mundia, Updates
Make a Wish

Tomorrow I turn fifty-three years old. Birthdays always make me introspective. Where have I been? Where am I going? Am I doing the right things? Do I show enough love and attention to the people I care about?

This year, my thoughts drift inexorably to my writing. Am I doing this right? Do I show enough love and attention to my work? When will I have something tangible to show people?

Currently, I am sifting through the redlines for The Cinders of Your Mane. My editor and I experienced some early missteps because he is Australian and lives in Europe, whereas I am American and live in North America. Why does that matter? “Well,” I said, “because of something like this.” ‘Or maybe like this’. “Americans do quotes quite differently,” I noted. ‘Australians and British folks do them in a unique style.’

We worked through it.

Once I complete the redline edits, I’m eager to forge forward with publication on Draft2Digital. That will also mark the point where I can begin recording the audiobook version. I considered outsourcing the narration to a friend in California who works as a professional voice actor, but he’s booked solid for the next year. (He’s that good.)

But what else have I been up to? Well, the rough draft for Beasts & Brutality is complete. I need to find some polishing time for that before I submit it over to my editor, who is currently up to his elbows in both my work and that of other people. And I am halfway through writing The Stars Inside You — the sequel to The Cinders of Your Mane.

Meanwhile, Dot-God-Damn still needs a polish pass. It can wait, because my day job drains the life out of me. I’m not sure how well I fit in there, to be honest. I work in an unforgiving environment characterized by high turnover and burnout.

Yet I remain undaunted. I will keep after my own projects. I will maintain my income with a day job in the meantime. And I will find time for the people I love. But man, oh, man am I tired. Just read the news. The world feels like a toy in the hands of a violent toddler these days. It’s exhausting.

So happy birthday to me, still alive at fifty-three! And I already know the gifts I want: success with my writing, success with my audiobooks, and hope for a career outside technology. But those are gifts I need to earn. Idle talk doesn’t get the job done.

Time to blow out the candles and make those wishes real.

Tags: Birthday, Day Job, Writing

Categories: Updates
Editor Quest

Writing a specific number of words with the correct grammar, spelling, and syntax represents the smallest part of assembling a book. Consider the story structure for example. How do your acts and plot points line up? There’s also continuity to maintain. If someone revs up a chainsaw in act three, but your story involves a world without gasoline, you’d best explain to the reader how that works. If you don’t, it breaks the spell which immerses your audience.

All of that plus character development, active language choices, and bringing scenes to life with rich descriptions fills your head fast. Mistakes creep in when you least expect them. That’s when a good editor comes into play.

If your manuscript passes through a publishing house, an editor there will help buff down any remaining sharp edges. However, I plan to self-publish The Cinders of Your Mane as an e-book. So if I want a final editorial pass, I need to locate and pay one at market rates — around $400-500 for a 20,000-word manuscript.

My problem revolves around the content of that novella. It features lots of anthropomorphic animal (“furry”) characters, so a furry editor would work best. Good luck tracking one down. I’ve contacted the Furry Writers’ Guild, individuals I know from the furry publishing scene, and even tried social media appeals. No joy.

Maybe I could try to use a more mainstream editor, but will they “get” the material? Also, there’s a lot of gay sex and violence in my work. That could create problems. I’m not writing cookbooks here.

Since I won’t release anything I haven’t polished to a glossy shine, I find myself at an impasse. If I don’t locate someone to review my work soon, I may need to try unconventional options. But I won’t let this break my momentum.

Beasts & Brutality, the full novel which follows The Cinders of Your Mane, has reached the 80,000-word mark. Act three is coming together nicely. I expect to complete a finished rough draft in a month or so. I’m also taking a slow polishing pass over Dot-God-Damn simultaneously. But writing and editing constitutes only a slice of the time I’ve invested in my budding venture.

Building something for yourself takes hard work. When I’m not balancing a day job with writing, I’m handling all the business details surrounding Ursine Underworld™. Yesterday, that meant lawyer calls and banking information. Other days, that involves arranging an artist for the cover. (And I can’t wait to show it at release!) I’m not Stephen King or John Grisham. I can’t afford “people” to handle these things. And I’ll need to fill even more duties — like marketing — as “launch day” approaches.

It’s a good thing we bears are known for our fortitude!

Tags: Legal, Updates, Writing

Categories: Updates
I’m in the Honey

So I got the job.

Without going into excessive detail, I start as a “team lead” for an IT service desk in a week and a half. The pay’s decent and the role is 100% work-from-home. After nearly two years of unemployment, this comes as an enormous relief. Now I can continue to enjoy decadent indulgences such as shelter, food, clothing, and the ability to pay debt.

This is, however, still a “day job” situation. My “night job” of writing and creating audiobooks will continue. The pace may slower, but time is another indulgence I’ll enjoy. A good craftsman doesn’t rush his work out the door.

Prior to securing regular employment, I felt the scalding breath of bankruptcy on my neck. That motivated me to push, push, push every day with income as a goal. In an ideal world, quality and creativity should come first. Now they can.

Don’t worry about me remaining motivated, though. My time on the bricks reminded me of an important truth: the American job market is broken, and our society has no safety nets. I want to build something for myself that can endure these uncertain times. Telling stories seems a grand way to do it.

Now, about Bearly Coping…

I’ve decided to hold off on the podcast for a bit. Why? Because my previous idea involved talking about all the crappy companies I worked for during the Dot-Com Bust as a way to promote Dot-God-Damn. However, now that I have an actual employer, it has occurred to me that this could potentially create an HR situation at a time when it’s unwise to rock the boat.

“But you won’t be talking about your current employer!”

Very true. And they might decide to keep it that way by getting rid of the griping bear on their payroll. Unemployed tech workers would line up around the block three deep to get my job. No matter how remote that possibility remains, I must prioritize stability while everything else in the world melts to slag.

“So you’re giving up on the podcast?”

Nope! I’ll devise a new approach. Maybe I can use it as a springboard for the book I’d like to write about my time in Dhahran. Or maybe I could read short fiction I’ve written in lieu of nonfiction. When I’ve settled into my new day job, I’ll sit down and consider which options sound best.

It’s been so long since I had good news like this. Spring started weeks ago in the Pacific Northwest, but the blooming trees didn’t match my mood. Now, when I see nature renewing itself, I feel like part of that process.

At last I can reclaim my own place in the sun, and use that light to grow something beautiful.

Tags: Day Job, Podcasting, Updates, Writing

Categories: Updates
When the Salmon Return

Do you know what it’s like to be unemployed for almost two years? I hope not. It chews up your self worth. Wears down your emotions. Exhausts you from the moment you wake. No matter how many times you reformulate your resume, nobody reads it. Nobody’s seriously hiring, anyhow. It’s all a pantomime for nefarious, business-logic reasons.

I wish this were my first trip to the Shitshow Rodeo. It isn’t. I endured something similar — yet oddly milder — during the Dot-Com Bust. One of my book-in-progress, Dot-God-Damn, covers those experiences. Today, I’ll talk about my current experience.

For months now, I’ve labored on writing, creative products, and the paperwork surrounding all that. Since nobody wanted to hire me, I needed to reinvent myself. But making anything resembling a living off creative projects takes time. People need to find your work, connect with it, and spread the word. I can only work so fast. So I worry that I’ll hit my financial “point of no return” before success.

Then I asked a friend if his employer had vacancies I might match. I’ve tried referrals before with no luck. This time, however, seems different. In total, I’ve completed nine video interview questions, three take-home assignments, and two interviews.

And we’re still not done.

Based on everything I’ve experienced since 2022, I feel like the whole situation could still fall apart. I’ve jumped through similar hoops with other employers, only to have them change jobs from “remote” to “on-site wherever you aren’t” in a breath. Or they disappear and hire nobody at all. Ever notice a job listing which reappears month after month? Those are “ghost jobs,” and CNBC did a lovely piece about them.

As I mentioned, American hiring is now a comical pantomime. Trust gets you nowhere. Despair and apathy feel safer. Disappointment starts with expecting something good to happen. If you don’t believe something good will ever happen, you can’t be disappointed. Or happy. Happiness is a luxury unemployed techies forgo in 2025.

However… on the off chance that I might actually land this job, I need to plan ahead. This post contains said plan, albeit a skeletal one.

First, I will continue with my creative projects. The pacing and the release schedule for things may shift, but my commitment remains unshaken. I want to create things for me, not a manager. I want to build something for myself, not an employer. And I want to share the things I create with all of you. Maybe, some distant day in the future, making stuff could become my day job. I sure hope so.

Second, I’m going to push Legalzoom to hurry up with my LLC paperwork. They exist in a constant state of confusion that resembles a closed loop. Today’s battle involved them not recognizing a street address as a street address. It’s infuriating. I’ve already wasted hours on the phone with them. I can’t juggle a full-time job, creating stuff, and nannying a legal service. They need to reach the finish line ASAP or make way for someone who can.

And last, I intend to keep promoting stuff as I work. Thank you all for watching this space. You haven’t seen my work yet. Some of it is really freakin’ close to the finish line. But I want to make the best possible impression with my initial release. Quality takes time and focus.

I think of the modern job market like a river. When the salmon jump, the bears fatten and life is good. But salmon migration only happens once a year over a narrow timespan. If the bears miss their meal, they may not survive the winter. Fat bears hibernate. Skinny bears starve.

The second quarter of each year represents my salmon run. Budgets refill. Managers execute hiring plans. If this bear doesn’t nab a fish before season’s end, I’ll look mighty skinny come summer — a good look for swimsuits, but a lousy one for bank accounts.

Skinny or fat, I’ll keep creating stuff. That sustains hope. And living without hope sucks. Take my word for it. I’ve been doing it for two years.

Tags: Day Job, Updates

Categories: Updates
Bearly Coping (and More)

I currently live in the valley between anticipation and anxiety. My rough drafts for Dot-God-Damn and The Cinders of Your Mane are now completed. Finding time to edit them is my current challenge. Because in addition to Beasts and Brutality, I’m turning into a part-time businessman for the Bearly Coping podcast.

After doing some research, I decided creating a Limited Liability Corporation (LLC) for the podcast couldn’t wait. That paperwork is underway with a legal service, and trademarks will follow soon thereafter. Once those two things reach completion, it’s on to business checking, online payment methods, Patreon details, etc.

All that work happens before I create and release episodes. The creative process is slow, but the legal process is glacial. Fortunately, I have plenty of work to occupy me in the interim.

When I sat down to plan episodes for the podcast, I realized that a different approach might prove more entertaining. As a bonus, the new format will help promote Dot-God-Damn on the road to publication. I’m going to tell stories about my career in tech, and trust me, those won’t be bland tales about server upgrades. You will, however, hear about parking lot shootouts and running into colleagues at bath houses.

I’m also going to talk about crazy stuff that happened in my personal life. Shadowy bars. Questionable hookup decisions. Hanging out with werewolves in the Santa Cruz Mountains.

Curious yet?

I’ll also dig back in time a bit to talk about moving to Saudi Arabia as a kid. I’m second-generation IT (dad was in data processing), and my father took a job overseas during The Eighties. Has anyone ever walked up to your parents on the street and offered 300 riyals for your sister because she’s blond?

Yeah, that happened. When my parents declined, my ten-year-old self told them they passed up a good deal. My sister didn’t seem amused.

Someday soon, you’ll be able to hear those stories and more. For the time being, I ask for your continued patience. I want to make the best first impression possible.

Tags: Legal, Podcasting, Updates, Writing

Categories: Updates
A Leap from the Bear’s Head

Faith is a hard thing to muster after eighteen months of unemployment. I’ve submitted hundreds of job applications into the ether with no impact. Interviews arrive at glacial speed, if at all. Passing three rounds is a minor miracle, but since most employers require five these days, it’s a miracle without a payoff. Requirements change constantly from the word “go.” Remote jobs become hybrid, and hybrid ones become 100% on-site.

My day-to-day expenses burn precious retirement money. I’ve nearly exhausted mine. If I can’t find a path to self-sufficiency without a job, I’m sunk. At best, I have a couple of months to build something worthwhile. No pressure, though!

Time’s slipping away from me. I need to try something different. So the moment has arrived for me to tell my stories.

I’ll unveil a couple of my creative projects soon. One of them, The Cinders of Your Mane, is a novella prequel to a larger book I’m writing: Beasts and Brutality. Cinders will reach first draft status in a couple of days. Then editing begins. The cover art should arrive mid-March. When it’s complete, I intend to release it for free alongside a modestly-priced audiobook version. If you’d like to know more about these projects, check out my fiction page!

Meanwhile, I’ve completed a rough draft of my nonfiction autobiography: Dot-God-Damn. I’m holding off on editing it while I shepherd other projects. In brief, this book is a tell-all about my life during the Dot-Com Boom and Dot-Com Crash. It is not for the faint of heart or prudish. But if you enjoy stories about sleazy cops getting robbed outside gay sex bars in Dallas, you may find it to your taste!

Seriously, that story is in the book. It actually happened. I laugh about it decades later.

But wait! There’s more! In addition to my writing work, I’m readying a Patreon-based podcast about my post-employment journey. What’s it like to try and create a revenue stream from thin air? How do you weather years of unemployment without going insane? (I may not be the best authority on sanity. But my partner is a psychologist, and he’ll be a guest.)

I’ll also share some interesting stories from my own past on the podcast. As an example, did you know I’m a second-generation IT worker? I grew up coloring old computer punch cards with crayons. Oh, and my dad took a data processing job in Saudi Arabia during The Eighties. I’ve got lots of stories about that period in my life.

Tune in. Who knows what the hell will come out of my mouth? Some of it might even be useful!

I can’t hide behind the word “someday” anymore. “Someday” is now if I intend to avoid disaster. Maybe I’ll succeed. Maybe I won’t. But I don’t have a chance without an audience. I hope you’ll become part of it. Success means survival for me.

It certainly beats the looming alternative.

Tags: Podcasting, Updates, Writing

Categories: Updates

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